When I was a child, my grandmother poured hours and hours of conversation, wisdom, witticisms, tips, and biblical instruction into my spongy, young brain. We used to sit in the local mall and watch people walking through the shops, and she would drill me on spelling, history, and math while talking about what being a lady meant - how to walk, talk, dress, behave.
She went home March of 2010, and those memories are some of my favorites from my childhood and all the more precious the longer she's been gone.
Fast forward. This morning I had the great privilege to walk a paved trail near my home with a dear friend of mine {T}.
I had a hard time maintaining conversation and speed, but T, whose pace shames my younger self, slowed to my turtle-like crawl and allowed me gracious bouts of silence where we both pretended there was nothing more to say {so I could catch a breath}.
As we walked and talked, I was reminded of the importance of women talking to, listening to, and giving advice to other women. It must be distinguished from gossip - the mindless talking about others that only leads to bitterness, self-inflation, and destruction of others' characters. The investment of quality conversation between women is healthy and necessary.
This kind of conversation is the baring of raw emotion, the exposure of self to insights of others. This is the kind of conversation that chokes you up at times and leaves you silent because of the depth of difficulty.
But this is also the kind of conversation that leaves you with a glimpse of new-found hope, a strange feeling of euphoria after a bout of gloom and darkness, a metaphorical rainbow after a storm. It can be filled with soul-lifting laughter or medicinal tears that repair the holes {often self-inflicted} in our hearts.
So often I turn to my husband for these conversations, to hear my emotional outpourings - all the heavy, deep feelings that I encountered throughout the day - and then I expect him to weed through my emotions, sifting out what is truly important or close to my heart after I've mentioned about 50 other items with almost the same emotional intensity. How unfair.
Somehow, instinctually, women usually are able to identify the main issue in another woman's outpourings, but men are a bit more straight-forward. The most important thing is mentioned first {perhaps no other items even make the "conversation" list} and then it is dealt with. My DH even goes so far as to only answer one question {the first} if I ask too many at one time. He's a very straight-shooter, so why expect him to "hear me" when I pour out so much "white noise"?
Don't get me wrong, I am not condoning stuffing your feelings down - there is so much I could say about this. Neither am I suggesting that you shut your husband out of your emotions or count a female friend closer than your spouse - both reactions would have dire and damaging consequences. I am merely suggesting a regular emotional feeding and pouring out with other women who will listen with the intent of helping you grow/see past the depth of feeling.
That "white noise" may not seem like earth-shattering, life-altering issues that warrant the amount of emotion it may stir up, but it should have a healthy outlet in the investment and listening ear of a wise and good friend.
Do you make your husband your emotional dumping ground then expect him to "hear" what is really important, needs dealt with?
Do you invest in other women, listening to them and helping them sort out the truth from the garbage? Do you have women who invest in you?
